My PC Hates Me

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I had to take action.

I know there is a little battery inside the PC somewhere that helps it keep time and I know that it isn’t a ‘user serviceable’ item. OH YEAH? Well when you and your PC are barely speaking it doesn’t seem so drastic to take a screwdriver to it and remove the casing.

It all went fine (and no… I didn’t find the battery this time) until I came to put the little machine back together again. That’s when the screw went missing.

Only one screw? What’s the problem?

The problem is that I think my PC, that hates me, has snuck the screw inside its casing somehow. Probably got it lying across some vital bits of electronics. Just waiting for me to switch it on then, bang, pop, fssssssss!. Smoke, flame and revenge. A Kamikazi PC. That’s what I’ve got on my hands.

 Well it won’t work buster. I’ll just have to go through the whole excercise again, until I find the screw.

Listen, I’ve had a rest and I want to say that it isn’t crazy to be feeling this way about a PC. I know it can’t help the way it feels. OK it thinks it hates me, but I know my PC does NOT hate me. It wishes I was better to it, maybe it wishes it could be better towards me too. But we are what and who we are. So that’s it.

The defrag went OKish. Didn’t cheer the PC up much. I need to be more radical. I’ll read books or something, maybe buy a ‘Nice For PC’ software pack or fit an external drive to take some of the junk off its hard drive.

Anyway. Not been any ‘wierd’ signs up recently so perhaps things are on the mend.

Not you, oh dear not you. I’m talking to the PC. The PC that hates me. I don’t know why its like this. sorry I don’t mean to go on. Its just well. Ah boloney who wants to hear my misery?

 OK lets lighten up. Oh the good times - yes the good times. It was sunny and the air smelled sweet and the sound of a little plane overhead just made it a perfect summers day. And I sat down to write with my new PC. Oh it switched on beautifully and its little fan was almost silent. I guess thats when I began to fall for it.  I can’t recall now the exact program I started with. Maybe it was Word or OpenOffice or something probably but I just felt my fingers move with my mind and oh heavens the joy, the comfort of its keyboard. I just knew that this PC loved me. We were going to be together a long long time and here I had a PC that loved me.

We had a great time together that summer. We went everywhere toghether. We discovered the Internet and Blogs and oh so many things.

But then one day I breezed it, ‘Hey little PC where are we going today?’ and all I got was the message - “PC User - I hate you”. Right on the screen. I felt sick. I actually thought I’d faint. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Then it was gone; the message, and we carried on as if everything was OK. But something gave inside me and although I love my PC still, well now I know it is a one way street. Maybe it was me though, and so I’m getting myself sorted out. I’m going to be the best PC User this little machine ever met.

OK got to go. Got to go. I’ve done something special for the PC today. I’ve arranged to have its C drive defragged.

Oh yes. Once again I’m sitting here with the PC that hates me, writing about a relationship I have with another machine. Things are bad between us at the moment, the PC and I, and I just don’t care what I say. In fact the washing machine is good to me; we’re just friendly I guess; I don’t suppose for a moment that the PC knows how to BE friendly does it? No. Thought not.

Well now let me see. I have socks and pyjamas (what’s wrong with PJs? It’s cold) and a tee shirt and a pile of other things from the suitcase I meant to unpack last week and the washing machine is waiting. Not complaining. Not deciding to withold a bit of functionality. Not sulking about a silly little application I ‘foolishly’ decided to add - you know, to WORK with that’s all.

No the washing machine is waiting, ready and willing to be friendly, and I shall go over and set it running. And I know, that my washing will be ready and fresh smellling in a little while.

But my PC Hates me doing that. It wants me to sit here and play with it, talk to its silly little microphone and gaze into its web cam and pretend I ’enjoy’ messing about trying to figure why it can’t remember the time for more than a few hours.

Sigh - so that’s what I’ll do. ‘Cos it wants me to. I’ll let the washing machine wait.

I’m pretty sure its asleep. The thing is My PC Hates Me.

It’s true - I know… I know… it may be a ‘computer thing’ & ‘they all do that’ but let me explain further.

It isn’t just its moodiness or its periodic fogetfullness that first made me suspicious. No. I’d heard about that stuff from other people, but this is different. My Computer Hates me -because it says so.

It actually says “I hate you - PC User”. It does. It mutters it through its tinny little speakers and whispers it from its buzzy little fan.

It writes it on its screen -in BIG letters .

 My PC Hates me …

… but I love my PC.

We have ‘Issues to work through’.

 Oops it’s waking up…